Saturday, January 7, 2012

Sometimes, when I am all alone, I google myself…

Yes! Pretty catchy. I saw this quote somewhere on the wired jungle – the Internet, first home to many (including me) and I was impressed. Very impressed. So much so, that I ordered a personalized Tshirt with the quote. Somewhere within me lives a supremely self obsessed person. I might nod appreciatively at every debater and answerer but a part of me mocks at his orgasmic gimmicks and knows for sure that had I been in his place, I would have come up with better answers or better facts to justify my argument. Yes I write better than most of the published Bestseller writers, I sing better than those singing competition morons and I can abuse better than those wild reality show contestants. Every time I sat down to watch “Kaun Bangega Crorepati(Who’ll be a millionaire) I finished with at least 1 crore in my kitty. I term this as my confidence but its pure obsession, a dark love of me for my own self. And then I thought maybe I live in everyone else.

I might be very visual and vocal about myself but self obsession adorns one and all. In their thoughts,  idea and actions, in every pause they take in front of cars with darkened glasses to have a good look at their own selves. In every smirk they pass whenever they see a lesser mortal fumble in work and out of it and in every anticipative glance they pass when they wear something fancy or do something fancier. It’s not unusual to trace out know-it-alls and maniacally intelligent and self proclaimed possessors of all human and para-human wits and virtues at our workplaces, in our families, amongst our friends, in our societies and on TV and on the Internet. In that authoritative boss, or that smart cousin or the snobbish friend. We eat, sleep, party and work with self obsession all around.

Like an excessive smoker keeps craving for his nicotine supply, we need a fair share of our narcissistic supply to feel good and to feel important. The Facebooks and Twitters have made billions, en-cashing on this queer aspect of our self obsessed generation. Ten years ago who would have thought that if you let the world know that After a 2 Km jog, you had a vegetable sandwich, a mug of orange juice and some salad as breakfast, twenty of your friends will end up liking it, 10 of them feeling jealous about your healthy lifestyle and another 10 of them motivating you to double your Jog distance and cut down on the food intake. We shout, they appreciate and they shout in turn. We are living in a vicious cycle of self obsession and we have mutual admiration pacts with everyone. I scratch your back, you scratch mine and lets laugh at the one who doesn’t have one to do the honors for him. Lets feel good about it.
I always wondered what made beautiful girls befriend the ugliest girls around. For the same reason I used to wonder what makes intelligent and smart guys befriend the dumb ones around. Things of similar nature should congregate together. Self obsession needs constant fuelling of the narcissistic supply. The Dumb will praise your intelligence; the ugly ducklings would pamper the beautiful swan. It’s a feel good relationship. Self obsession is intoxicating. We make good speakers, good bosses and good leaders. If we know about something we shout out loud, if we do not know about that thing, we manipulate it to our needs and shout out loud again. That ways we make the best manipulators too.

 But, somewhere we lose our genuineness. We lose our authenticity and we lose our substance. These days when I see a fellow speak about anything, the dominant me wants to spring onto the podium and show him his place but the recessive me holds me back and allows me to listen. My mouth hates my ears but somehow my brain has started learning the organ allocation algorithm. Recently I went through a lot of blogs, most of them write better than me and the fellow who was singing on the TV singing competition last night. He was way better than me. In fact just before I sat down to write this article, I was trying my hands on “Kaun Bangega Crorepati(Who’ll be a millionaire). I couldn’t even win a lac.          

22 comments:

abhinav saxena said...

Very well written Atul, it is encouraging and gives a idea about life and live.... thoroughly enjoyed reading it and i hope this writing reaches to all the generation of a people especially to the youngies (younger then us :P)who has wnnabe attitude and takes thing very casually

Parth said...

Hi atul..
Its always good reading ur articles buddy.

But know what I sort of have a different take on it. May b being self obsessed is not a bad thing after all.

It gives us hope and self confidence to b whoever we want to be and thus push us to do things dat we wud ve left if we felt ourselves just to be ordinary.

Dont u think?

Just a food for thought!! :)

Nidhi Sinha said...

Hey.. awesome read.. really.. one of your best blogs till date..:)

Ecstasy said...

Hi Atul, you choose wonderful topics, almost everybody can connect themselves to them. I liked this post and agree to everything you wrote except this paragraph -

"I always wondered what made beautiful girls befriend the ugliest girls around. For the same reason I used to wonder what makes intelligent and smart guys befriend the dumb ones around. Things of similar nature should congregate together. Self obsession needs constant fuelling of the narcissistic supply. The Dumb will praise your intelligence; the ugly ducklings would pamper the beautiful swan. It’s a feel good relationship."

If you write this, in my opinion, you need to expand the scope of your thought.

However, this is just a suggestion and it is always good to be brave enough to write whatever you think. Keep it up, you are giving many people the food for thought they need, so that they may not waste their time googling themselves! At last, as always, it was a pleasure to read you.

Atul Kumar Mishra said...

@Abhinav and Nidhi - Thank you so much guys :-)

@Parth - I always admire your viewpoint mate. And thanks for this critical feedback. I totally hear you. If self obsession is practiced in moderation, its an amazing thing. But Obsession is too strong a word to be moderated. If you control it a bit and I am sure you do, Its perhaps a big confidence booster but in my case(and in some other cases) it was getting way too much and hence I thought of moderating it and letting others know as well. Neverthless, thank you for ur feedback mate. Keep reading and commenting :-)

@ Ecstasy - Thanks for being an ardent reader and taking out your precious time :-) I am flattered. As for your feedback, my articles are totally my viewpoint. I, in no way want to generalize things. I often noticed such friendship groups and tried to find the fundamental behind that, and that's what my stupid brain could think of :-)

But like you mentioned, I would try and research more before throwing my two cents. Once again thank you so much for reading and taking out time to let me know your feedback.

Positive criticism is no criticism and I would welcome many such feedbacks. Keep reading!

Diksha said...

One of the most interesting blogs written by you.. Makes one want to read more.
I really like the title of this article... very catchy!

chandan singh said...

Well explained bro.
It always happen with every individual on this earth where he /she fights with his/her inner-self.

Atul Kumar Mishra said...

Thanks Diksha & Chandan - Means a lot :)

Daud said...

Admittedly, I don't follow blogs much, but I am pretty sure most don't bother much about finesse. Yours does, and is refreshingly mature, as is your use of self-deprecation to avoid sounding preachy.

Just to share something I read somewhere..I think all the narcissism just boils down to a craving for exclusive attention.. something that eventually has its roots in the basic instinct of all living creatures to preserve their gene pool. Sounds far-fetched ? Might be, but that's how our psychologists explain it.. Even animals do all sort of crazy (to us) things (even dancing, and literally fighting for no reason other than showoff) in order to establish their supremacy in the herd, or attracting the best partner, which ultimately increases the chances of their genes surviving in the form of their offspring.

So, I think narcissism is actually unavoidable... its the level to which you choose to subvert it that actually defines you

Atul Kumar Mishra said...

Dear Daud - This is one of the most matured comments that I have seen on my blog. I am blessed to have readers like you and thank god you liked my article. :-)

And the "Gene" thing is perfect, Thank you for giving the write-up an entirely new dimension!

Anonymous said...

i read your blog articles for the first time but trust me man it was really enriching .............you are certainly a shrewd observer of life............would love to hear more from your side

Atul Kumar Mishra said...

Thank you Mr./Miss Anonymous :-) Keep reading and providing your feedback

Anonymous said...

I am Ms.Anonymous. Atul ,I don't know whether I am wrong or right but when I read your articles I don't know why it strike me that you have the potential of touching the zenith as a writer .There is some X -factor which I often miss in contemporary readings in the market .But being a writer myself I would just stay ........come out of the shell ....you have mentioned in your comments that positive criticism is no criticism ....so i can hope that you will welcome my comments ...Atul as a writer your writing skills are amazing...i just felt entrapped as i entered the beautiful web created by the wordsmith ...ATUL MISHRA......But,ATUL you have to remember that writing skills alone can't make a great writer ...it can only make you a good writer but not great ...it is the idea which churns out a great writer and sets him apart from the crowd.

Atul ...when I finished all the readings of blog ....I realised that here is talent to watch out for ...but Atul you are in a very crucial phase as a writer .....so as a writer I need to draw your attention ...that from here with such creative talent you can take two course.....first ...continue to write in the same fashion ...then you will end u being a good writer with fleeting success....but the second one is though difficult and challenging but can take you to a level that can match the biggies of writing world ...choice is yours .......but I trust you as writer ...hope you will not take my advice in a negative manner .....you have great talent ...tap it for something novel and great and it is high time when you should mature yourself as writer and if you could do so ...trust me i can see you in some years in Booker's club ....I would really like to discuss on this issue in detail if you wish as the comments can never express complete view point .....so if you feel so let me know your mail id ...i will let you know about the issue in detail....and if not then Atul just keep writing ......and just believe.....You can make it big .GOOD LUCK MAN .

Atul Kumar Mishra said...

Dear miss anonymous I thank you for the wonderful comments that you posted. trust me it feels great to know that some people follow me religiously plus they take out some time to post their feedbacks.

I would love to get in touch with a fellow author who can help me to find out the flaws in my writing. please shoot a mail to- Atul.jiet@gmail.com

Neha Syngh said...

Written well and well thought of..........good one I am sure the best is yet to come !!!

Atul Kumar Mishra said...

Hey Thanks Neha :-)

akansha said...

Well contemplated and even better framed.this is actually one of the your best!

Atul Kumar Mishra said...

Thank you so much Akansha :) Keep reading..!

Anonymous said...

The topics in your blog are diverse but have a touch point on almost every facet of life and human nature.The wise use of words makes the write powerful but the discontinuity of the thought makes one think that you are having a flood of things inside your head for which any space will be insufficient. Anyway, it was fun to read what all you believe and proved to be a great insight through the mind's eye. Keep writing!

Atul Kumar Mishra said...

Dear Mr/Miss Anonymous,

You are right! I normally conclude things before delivering them in full details. The thoughts keep coming :)

Joyeeta said...

Really liked the article Atul, very nicely written.
Self obsession is obviously a bad thing. It gets annoying and sometimes even hilarious when people are too vocal about it. But come to think of it, its the non self-obsessed lot who give the fuel to obsession. We might think that Facebook status update about how sleepy a person is in the morning or 24 pictures for every hour of the day is lame, we are the ones who like their updates and tell them they are good.
It seems that virtuous things like listening and being polite and a great idea like Facebook have all contributed towards making self-obsession an accepted or even a good thing.
Just a thought :) .. Keep up the good work

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