Friday, September 21, 2012

An Open Letter to Ajay Devgn

Hello Sir,

How are you? I hope you are doing well. How is Kajol and what about your children? God bless them all. Just felt like writing you a letter. I understand you are a busy man and you have many projects in the pipeline and lots of shooting schedules lined up but I sincerely hope you read this one.

Firstly, let me introduce myself. I am a Software Engineer by profession and I am based in Gurgaon. I am sure you must be smirking right now sir. Gurgaon is an amazing place where medical shops shut at 10PM but liquor shops provide services till midnight (officially) and whole night (unofficially). Let me pause a little bit, I guess I have left my washroom tap running. It’s disturbing to write amidst such disconcerting sounds. I’ll play “Jab kisi ki taraf dil jhukne lage” from your movie “Pyaar toh hona hi tha”. Sir, the song and the movie both were copied but I loved you in the movie. It’s a perfect setting now. I guess I can speak my heart out now. I’ll let you know if I need a break. Hope you don’t mind.

Sir, back in 1991 when your first movie “Phool aur Kaante” released, I was in class 1. No I don’t have to remember that because that has been the sequence of my life - 1991-class 1, 1992-Class 2….1999-Class 9”. I didn’t do anything for one full year after class 12th because I was preparing for IIT JEE(That I couldn’t crack) and hence the sequence went for a toss. Sorry, this information wasn’t required. So when your movie released, I got my favorite hero for life. I tried your double Bike entry scene on my Atlas’s and Avons and as a result of that I still smile a crooked smile. I totally loved the fact that when others tried to become a hero, you went a step ahead to become an actor. And masses loved you too, you were a classy-massy hero who very few actors in Indian cinema can claim to be, Mr. Bachchan and Aamir Khan are the two that I can think of.

The way you made a certain superstar look like a nobody in front of you when you played the role of a man who vows to make his wife meet her long separated lover was phenomenal. Zakhm – where you started and ended the movie in a single blue shirt and where your eyes expressed the anger and sadness of a son, a patriot and a human being was commendable. Bhagat Singh, there were many movies made on this brave martyr but the one in which the “Actor” portrayed the “Hero” turned out to be a milestone of Indian Cinema. Very few movies have made me cry sir, this was one of them. I remember another one “Naam-Sanjay Dutt and Kumar Gaurav starrer” that one made me cry as well. Again, this information isn’t required. The whole state of Bihar started worshipping you when you played “Ajay Shastri” and “ACP Amit Kumar” in “Apaharan” and “Gangajal” respectively.  I think I need a break. I’ll quickly like and post a compliment on my Girlfriend’s Facebook status. She has topped a GK Quiz in “Frankfinn Air Hostess Training Institute”. Sounds really tough, sir. I’ll post a “Proud of you Babe :-*” quickly and get back.

I am back. Who can forget “Manu” from “Raincoat” who had no cash but only “Gutkhas” in his wallet? There was a nice background score sung by “Shubha Mudgal” in that movie, that I don’t remember. I think she should sing more. What do you think sir? We can discuss this if we happen to meet someday. Yes, back to the plot – Who can forget the electric Student leader “Michael Pandey” from “Yuva” who beats Mr. Bachchan’s not-so-talented son to pulp on the “Howrah Bridge.” Sir, after “Once upon a time in Mumbai”, I have stopped saying “You are welcome” to people after they thank me, I just do a “salaam” with my hands and say “Bas Duaaon me yaad rakhna”. That little cameo in “Lajja” or your “Ata Majhi Satkel” in “Singham”, the straight faced comedy in the classic “Ishq” or that dark gangster in “Khaki”, the underworld don in "Company", I have loved everything.

But sir this letter is not going to be all that sweet. I understand you will roll your eyes, make faces, even delete this one but I would like you to read a genuine mail from a genuine fan. There came a movie called “Golmaal” in 2006 which was not all that bad. It went on to become a hit and then started a chain reaction of Golmaal movies, Sir allow me to say - If “Legend of Bhagat Singh” is a milestone of Indian Cinema, these “Golmaal” movies are disgrace to the entire film fraternity and fans. I can understand that you have a great rapport with the director who laughs at stupid jokes in a TV show. But trust me sir, you are much better than these Golmaal roles. Having said that, I would also like to mention that “Golmaal” series is a dream role for Jeetu ji’s son and the director has intelligently made him mute. Sir I think Jeetu ji’s son looks like a deformed pizza that customers refuse to accept. I have heard he is a good sister to his brother “Ekta” though. Let’s not discuss him. We can crack jokes on him, if we happen to meet.

Sir what did you eat before signing “Rascals”? The answer would help a lot of people. We can write a blog on “What not to eat before interviews/exams?” Don’t you agree this is the worst movie of your entire career? What did you say? “Parwana”. Let me do a Parineeti Chopra style LOL(pronounced L-A-U-L). Sir, Parwana era was different. You weren’t high on the credibility quotient at that point of time. But Parineeti Chopra is cute. Do you like full women sir or skinny ones? Again we can discuss this later.

Last month I went to watch “Bol Bachchan” with a couple of my friends. The rumor mills suggested that this movie was loosely inspired from the classic “Golmal”. Sir, I am sure it must have been inspired from it, but then I am not too sure because I left the cinema hall after half an hour. Sir, I think you must be having some secret pact with Junior Bachchan to resurrect his sinking career but sir, do think of us before doing such films. It was bizarre and your straight translations weren’t funny sir. Should we discuss “Tezzz”? I almost heard a no. Okay sir, I hear you. But you can answer one question. Which one is uglier? A.) The Movie “Tezzz” B.) The director of the movie. Okay! I guess you want to dodge this one too.

 But A diehard fan I am and hence, I am looking forward to “Son of Sardar”. I hope it is an “Ishq” kind of comedy and not “Golmaal” kind. I am more than looking forward to “Satyagrah”. Prakash Jha is an intelligent director of serious cinema. “Aarakshan” is the only comedy flick that he has made. Did you like that one sir?

Now that I am almost at the end of my letter, let me just ask one final question. Sir what’s with your association with “Emotional Atyaachar”?The show, the channel and the actors are mascots of wannabeism and cheapness. Why would an actor of your stature anchor such a show? Sir! on behalf of all your fans, I would request you to not appear in such shows. I think I am done from my side. Please reply and feel free to shout at me, I won’t mind. A fan is a fan after all.

Warm Regards,
TheFrustratedIndian™
Image courtesy: http://www.filmitadka.in